Sunday Blessings: Birches.................................30/365

Blessing because I've been allowed to capture such beauty doing something I truly enjoy.

I forgot to post my finished project that I started, oh geez, way back before my birthday.  I showed the back of this quilt top in a previous post, so proud of my curved piecing technique.  This is not an original design (they rarely are), it is based on a wall hanging I found on the internet when I was looking for examples of trees to make for the block exchange my quilt circle did last October.  I love birch trees almost as much as I love eucalyptus.  Birch are far more beautiful, but nothing smells as wonderful as eucalyptus.

The the wall hanging I found on the internet consisted of curved piecing as the background and the trees were more "minimalist" with only short stacato black stitching here and there on the trunks.

Well...I started out with some basic black stitches, mostly made to keep with the beige translucent fabric in place.  Then I started fooling around and next thing you know I've scribbled all over the darn thing.  I decided it needed more depth so I added a tan thread and then a very light blue.  I suppose I could have added just about any color really as nature is filled to the brim with colors.  But, I think I stopped at the right time.  Editting one's self is the hardest thing to do.  Knowing when to say when...

I'm going to make a similar wall hanging, albeit larger to better fit the space in my home where I intend to hang it, for the upcoming quilt show.  Need to get started on that asap.  Too many irons in the fire, such is my life.

Internet Blessing....................................................2/365

Not only do I consider my ability to work via my computer a blessing, but I am also very thankful that I've learned to surf the internet as well as I have over these past 15 years or so. Today I, once again, heard a score that has been haunting me for days. It was a commercial for the movie "Swordfish" that will be playing on AMC soon set to a beautiful piece of music. A few minutes ago I Googled: "AMC Swordfish commercial music" and discovered that I wasn't the only one who wanted to know what the music was. Luckily my question was answered and here is my lovely blessing for today:

Sunday Blessings

If the birds do not come

I, whose wings are cleft

And whose gentle talons

Hold you fast to my breast

And from whose throat comes only

The coarse, grey, and grating cry

Of extremity - where no music is -

I, if the birds do not come,

Will sing to you...

If the birds do not come,

Will you who are Spring and

Flight and all Music,

Will you sing to me,

if the birds do not come?

 

 

R. L. Browne 

Sunday Blessings - End of Summer Edition

I know that summer doesn't actually end for almost a month, but for the past decade or so I've been in the "it's back to school so summer is over" mode.  Tomorrow my daughter walks onto the campus of her high school as a Junior.  I haven't a clue how this is humanly possible.  There obviously was some sort of time warp that happened that made it so that just yesterday I was giving her a bottle and changing her diaper.  Then again, maybe it's just how my mind works (in my mind) because there are many times when I look in the mirror expecting to see a 19-year-old Karyn.  You can't imagine the look of surprise on that 46-year-old's face staring back.

For some reason this particular back-to-school seems harder than the others.  Oh, no doubt I had plenty of days full of angst where my daughter going off to something on her own is concerned.  Her first day of daycare at 3 months old for instance, when I left her in the caring hands of my sister-in-law and went home to get ready for my first day back at work only to discover that my car wouldn't start. 

I was living with my parents at the time.  I came back into the house, sat down on the living room sofa and proceeded to cry.  My mother admonished me for crying with the lovely epitaph of "What would have happened if I cried everytime something went wrong in my life?"  Nice. 
My father, who had had had a stroke a few years earlier, sat down on the sofa, put his arm around me and told me he was sorry that he wasn't able to fix things for me like he once had been able to do. 

As usual, I got a little bit of what I needed from both of my parents.  So I bucked up and called AAA, got my car going and went off to a job that I dispised so I could support that little baby girl that I had never even spent an hour away from since her birth. 

A few months later my parents encouraged me to quit my job so I could go back to school and have a lot more time with my daughter.  What a blessing that was.  I could never thank my parents enough for that.

For so many years now I've had to be like "Sybil" (minus about 16 other personalities) and try to be both mother and father to my daughter, and I was faced with this challenge again at the end of last semester.  My daughter didn't do too well in her second semester of her Sophomore year; in fact, she failed Geometry, and the rest of her grades were the worst she has ever brought home.  Part of me reacted by being my mother, the realist, but there is always that dad part of me that wants to make everything better for her.  I suppose this is the challenge of most single parents, having to be the good, bad, and ugly in all scenarios.

Yet, in the midst of my dipair, in gallops my husband, Julia's step-father, still grieving his mother's death and taking care of his ailing father, telling me that it would be best if she spent the summer with him, working in his business in California, hoping that it might teach her some fortitude and what life is really about.  So, she has been gone this entire summer. 

In the past 16 years I have never been away from my daughter for more than 5 days at a time.  In the past 3 months I have seen her maybe 5 days in total.  But, she's back now, better than ever, more focused and ready to have a successful last 2 years of high school.  And the optimist in me believes her completely, and without hesitation.  Best of all, she and my husband have a very special relationship now; the best payoff of all, if you ask me.

Tonight I feel sad that I missed so much of the past few months with her while she matured, but I now realize that it was necessary for her to be gone because part of the reason she wasn't getting anywhere was due to my always wanting to make it all better.  I guess I don't play my mother's role as well as I wished I could, and more often than not teeter to the side of my dad, the big softy.

I also am a bit melancholy because I know in the blink of an eye I will be cheering her on at her graduation, helping her sort out which college she wants to attend (hey, I can dream, can't I?), helping her choose a wedding dress, welcoming grandchildren, etc.  It's just all going faster and faster, and it seems the only things that stand out are the regrets I have.

As with much of my life lately, though, I'm shifting gears and trying to see the brighter side, and will be focusing on making happy memories that will stand out like a lighthouse in the fog of life's tougher times.

So, off she goes again, my most joyous, wonderful little girl; this time a little more prepared than the last.

Sunday Blessings

Okay, so technically it is not Sunday, it's Monday at almost 2:00 a.m.  Last week I decided I would have a few regular days that I would blog without excuse.  Sunday Blessings and Wednesday Weigh-in came to mind immediately, even though I try hard not to even go near my keyboard on Sundays (or television for that matter) and, well, Wednesday Weigh-In not only sounded good, it also gave me a couple of days to drop those few pounds I know I've put back on. 

Sunday's post was supposed to be about how beautiful our backyard has become thanks to the wonderful rains we had in the spring.  I figured I'd snap a few photos of the lovely flowers, sparkling pool, my favorite layout spot...  I didn't even step foot outside the house until 9:00 p.m. and that was only to make a quick run to the Walmart Grocery store for eggs, which I'm technically not supposed to be eating.  No, the kibash on the eggs isn't because of the gazillin egg recall that is going across the country, but actually related to my fear that I have an egg allergy that causes eczema to overrun certain parts of my body.  I tried to get rid of eggs, but I love them, I really do.  I think cutting sugar out of my diet makes a bigger difference so I'm back on my no sugar routine starting tomorrow. 

As I mentioned before, I lost track, fell off the wagon, went berserk, became unglued thanks to some recent drama in my life.  Tomorrow, Monday, today..whatever... I'm back on track.  I plan on taking Nishi (the smallest, most wonderful dog in all of Las Vegas) for an early walk to kick things off.  I also plan on only ingesting fruit in the morning, then fruit and vegetable juices in the afternoon, ending with a good amount of salad and vegetables for dinner.  I must cleanse...something I had planned on doing last week.  I also will be spending some time in my backyard getting some vitamin D and paddling about in my pool.

My sister sent an email on Sunday regarding the funeral of her nephew who died so tragically.  Her words stung like a sharp blade slipping through my ribcage, puncturing my heart.  She is obviously wrung out by this experience and I wish there was something I could do.   She mentioned how she hadn't been this distraught since our father died.  After spending almost two years in a complete state of numbness after my dad's death (God bless my husband, then boyfriend, for sticking with me through that), I can't even imagine the depths of despair a parent experiences with the loss of a child.  Ironically, my husband posted on his FaceBook account that Sunday was the 5 month anniversary of his mother's death; somehow her passing feels like a million years ago and yesterday, all at the same time, so I'm kind of confounded by that memory.  I recall from the time after my dad died, counting the days, months, and eventually years.  It's almost like how we all counted the days, months and years after our children were born, but opposite and with not an ounce of joy involved.  I hope for my sister, her husband, and most importantly this young man's mother that with each passing the day the pain will lessen.  It just has to lessen.  Life just cannot go on with so much sadness.

So Monday is a new day, a new start, a new chance for each of us to look at and appreciate what we still can in this life.  It may seem cliche', but I plan to use episodes in my life like this to make me love a little more openly, laugh a little louder, show respect and kindness to those who seemingly deserve it the least.

For now, here is Peter Gabriel singing a song that is rather fitting.